6 PERKS OF BEING A LONG DISTANCE WIFE

i was very skeptical about a job that would take my husband from me 6 weeks at a time. i thought i was asking for disaster. the statistics showed one of us would end up being unfaithful, or growing distant. that hasn’t happened <<knock on wood>> in fact our marriage is at a really good place right now.

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7 signs you could survive as a long-distance wife:

1. neither of you has had any recent bouts with infidelity, great or small. if there is a seed of disloyalty, the distance could cause it to grow into something tangible and heartbreaking.

2. you have a life. whether it be a brood of children, a hobby you spend a lot of time on, a job. to keep your sanity you will need something to do other than simply waiting for your love to return to you.

3. you have a strong support system. whether neighborhood, community, church, or family. you have to have someone you can call for help from time to time.

4. it is a joint decision. you go into it together. fully supporting one another as you face the hardships that will inevitably come is key.

5. your marriage is well established. you’ve weathered a storm or two and came out standing strong together.

6. he finds happiness in providing for you. this will help him find meaning in the long hours and hard work.

7. you are an independent person with at least some level of introversion to entertain yourself for weeks on end

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there are some things i <believe it or not > LIKE about him working abroad.

6 perks of being a long-distance wife:

1. our relationship is back to being about love: i did not choose to marry him based off his tidy habits and proneness to put things away. nope. i married a romantic, easy-going, creative man who just happens to be a slob. i’m not a neat freak so with just the two of us, and even with only one child, it didn’t get to me. but once multiple children came on the scene and there was mess upon mess waiting around every corner, a lot of our interaction had to do with taking care of  this little kingdom we had built. especially with his role as a stay-at-home dad, there was way too much nagging and complaining about chores. now that he has been taken out of the daily household rigamarole, <and his clothes aren’t constantly littering our bedroom floor> we can get back to why we chose each other in the first place. and when he is home, i can hold my tongue when he leaves something out, because its only for a short time, and i can live with it. and if the house goes to shambles while he is here because of our party like it’s 1999 mentality, i can shrug it off. i know he’ll be gone before i know it and i’ll have plenty of time to clean up our debris while i reminisce about the fun we had together.

2. peace: we rarely argue. i love this!! now that he isn’t in charge of taking out the trash and i’m not late for dinner, we don’t fight. the petty affairs of life have been taken away from us. and it extends into the time when he is home too. i’m not used to having him around to do this or that, so if he does, i’m just glad and thank him for his help. recently we celebrated 8 years of marriage by going to one of our favorite destination combos, busch gardens in tampa followed by fort myers beach. it was a dreamy 4 days! we were so relaxingly in heaven together. we did not have one single argument, which for me is HUGE! to contrast, we had taken the same trip for our 5th anniversary and i can distinctly remember 3 arguments during that trip (he wishes i didn’t remember…its not in a grudge-holding way, i just have a good memory!). one of which was dumb enough to be based on him getting soda instead of water. yes, i can be that petty.

3. less daily grind: i can only imagine how exhausting it must be to try to pretty yourself up, tidy the house, and cook a yummy <but healthy!> dinner for your husband every single evening all while caring for the kids. i doubt that actually happens in most homes, but i know i would feel at least a little guilt about it as i fell short week after week. with him only coming home every 6 weeks, i get to plan out an adult, delicious menu in advance while i feed my kids chicken nuggets, fries, and root beer (that is actually what we had for dinner tonight). it doesn’t feel impossible to actually shower and groom myself on a daily basis while he is here because i know i don’t really have to while he is gone. and if the house isn’t tidy, the only adult who need know is me.

4. the thrill! remember that butterflies in your stomach feeling when you were still dating and waiting for him to come pick you up to go out? the thrill of his kiss? when i pick him up from the airport butterflies are all aflutter and when we hug and kiss that first time it feels like i’m kissing my boyfriend, not my husband, if that makes sense. i love the anticipation. waiting for our first chance to be alone…the passion is sooo alive. my parents read this blog so i will leave it at that!

5. home = vacation! we countdown to the day he will come home. and when he is home it is party all the time! homework is optional. bedtimes are extended. dates are frequent. treats abound. gorging is encouraged. after he leaves i look back on the week or two so fondly. like a brief dream life i got to live. the memories i have from family life before, that match these are very few. because of the separation we create some amazing memories when we are together.

6. an attitude of gratitude: the separation has taught us to be so grateful for each other. we realize more acutely how important we are to each other. he has said and written some of the sweetest things these past 9 months, almost matching the wooing letters he would write me before we got married.

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i wouldn’t recommend to any and all couples to try this lifestyle. but i do think there are some indicators that you might de well.

6 situations where i might venture to recommend a couple try this lifestyle:

1. you or your husband have been out of work for a month or more and it is straining the relationship (the longest job search i’ve heard of was 6 days)

2. you are struggling financially and it is causing you to argue a lot (money in the oil industry is good, even for the unskilled)

3. you have a good marriage and an ambitious financial goal, but not enough income in your current roles to meet it

4. you are doing great as a couple, love your home, but can’t seem to make ends meet with the jobs available locally

5.  you have been faithfully married for a long time and are looking for a new adventure/chapter

6. you love and trust each other but you’ve lost your spark and argue frequently about minutia

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3 thoughts on “6 PERKS OF BEING A LONG DISTANCE WIFE

  1. Summer, I just want to add that I LOVE how you and Kevin use electronic tools that allow you to stay in touch. This is also a wonderful blessing to the boys who are able to talk with Daddy every day! During the past week while Kevin was with me, I was very impressed with the many times that the two of you traded loving messages!

  2. Ha, I loved this! I couldn’t agree more!! My SIL is a marriage and family therapist and was really worried about us when Jared took this job because of the time we would spend apart. But like I’ve told her, he and I talk more now than we ever did when he was home all the time! With his old 9-5 job (which was actually 7:30-6, he was hardly ever home), he used to come home from work and go through bills, spend time on the computer paying bills, play some video games, watch a movie or spend more time browsing the internet, and go to bed. He was always too distracted to sit and talk to me for more than minutes at a time. Now we talk for an hour or three every day!! (He has so much free time sitting on a rig with nothing to do that he calls me often). I can relate to everything you wrote, like not showering or fixing myself up every day when he’s gone, not having to prepare a real meal when he’s gone and not minding doing it when he’s home (I actually enjoy it when he’s home b/c I feel like someone will actually appreciate my cooking!), feeling excited to see him when he comes home, money is good, etc.) but the one thing that stands out the most is that a woman needs to be independent to survive this lifestyle! I didn’t realize how independent I was, and how needy many other women are (I don’t mean that to sound so negative, just for a lack of a better word…) until we started this job! People often ask Jared how his wife feels about his schedule and he always starts with, “Well, it’s not for everyone. Only a wife who is very independent could handle it.” He also tells them that if a woman’s love language is “quality time”, then this may not work for them. My love language is not really a love language, but is to have someone listen to me and have meaningful conversations with me, so my need is fulfilled due to his schedule! Also, I LOOOOOVE all of the alone time this schedule gives me!! I love being able to sit and read a book, watch a movie, or whatever, after the kids are in bed EVERY SINGLE NIGHT while he’s gone. When he’s home, he always wants me to help him with some sort of project, go over the budget, etc. Love my alone time! Plus, yes, so much less arguing! He is so happy to be home that he is easier to be around, he has so much more patience with the kids since he hasn’t seen them for so long…yes, this job has it’s perks!
    You are a fabulous writer, I love reading your blog! If you’d ever like to read mine, I can send you an invite. Although it just covers our weekly activities for the most part, it is not nearly as interesting a read as yours!

    • i’m so glad we are kindred spirits!
      you are so nice, thank you! yes please invite me 🙂
      well maybe your love language is actually quality time and you get that through your phone conversations?

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